Whoops

Bravery with speaking a foreign language leads to a lot of mistakes. Here are just some phrases that I've butchered:

Meant to say: I gave everyone in the office a nickname. (Eu dei um apelido para todo mundo no escritório)
Actually said: I gave everyone in the office a last name. (Eu dei um sobrenome para todo mundo no escritório)

Meant to say: I'm excited! (Estou animada!)
Actually said: I'm horny! (Estou excitada!)

Meant to say: It depends on the accent. (Depende do sotaque)
Actually said: It depends on the ankle sock. (Depende do soquete)

Meant to say: You are mature. (Você é madura)
Actually said: You are marinated. (Você é maturada)
"Mature" in Portuguese translated to ripe, so I don't know which is worse...

Meant to say: Do you have a car? (Você tem carro?)
Actually said: Do you have leather? (Você tem couro?)

Meant to say: I would kill you. (Vou te matar)
Actually said: I would die. (Vou morrer)

Meant to say: It's great because it doesn't have any preservatives. (E ótimo porque não tem salvaguardas).
Actually said: It's great because it doesn't have any condoms. (E ótimo porque não tem preservativos).

When looking for a conference room with Ricardo...
Meant to say: Where's the meeting room? (Onde fica a sala de reuniões?)
Actually said: Where's the bedroom? (Onde fica o quarto?)

And those are just the ones I'm aware of!